The War on Squirrels

Dear Squirrels:

You too have benefited from my good graces. You’ve gotten fat off the acorns that fall nearly year-round in our front yard. Our back yard looks like Wild Kingdom, making it the perfect playground. And, I haven’t seen a tulip boom since 2005 because you’ve eaten all the bulbs.

Now, like your friends the Slugs, you’ve gone too far. My two pots of geraniums fell victim to your greed. While digging for a place to bury food, you ripped them from the pots and threw them on the porch.

I didn’t want to plant flowers, but my five-year-old daughter has a blossoming interest. She asked her grandfather to buy flowers, and this is what he sent to her. Some of you have families, so you shouldn’t be surprised by my reaction.

I hope you like mothballs and cayenne pepper, because I know where your winter stashes are.

Sincerely,

Diva